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Catch-mywave, if you can.
Dictionary's Definition: Wave; A swell, surge, or rush, as of feeling or of a certain condition.
The blog's definition: catch-mywave; See if you can catch up with the inconsistent swells, surges, amplitudes that are happening in my vast-changing life. I'm finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since 15. Time flies so fast that i'm already turning 21 this year. DID YOU JUST HIGHLIGHT THIS SECTION? DONT THINK I DONT KNOW! -Alvin |
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This blog has been officially opened on April 10, 2009 and, this is gonna be my virtual barang barang garage!Do enjoy your stay here, and don't take what's not yours! tagboard
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Design: doughnutcrazyIcon: morphine_kissed |
i think i need to meet up with a tragic accident. then i'll make you regret when u haven spent the last 24 hours with me. dropped you 3 or 4 messages. reply only 1. might as well dont reply! i dont reply, you complain. you dont reply, i complain, u say i complain too much. what you want actually? I bet with u if some other guy like the kbox pester friend of yours text you, you sure reply.. got time facebook, no time check handphone to reply. i wont buy your lies anymore. im so pissed i dont know what to say. people fucking complain for a good cause, good reason. you say I DUN UNDERSTAND WHY U KEEP COMPLAINING. and you know what my response is? your boyfriend is fucking going through a hell of a life time with stress from every corner of school. i call, you dont pick up. nevermind. i sms, you also dont reply. lol.you say, you never check phone. That must be the biggest fat lie ever. Even if it is not, ive been complaining u dont check your phone since months ago. and what the fuccccccck did u do about it? tell me la, what the f you do about it. You push it a side and continue with life. TELL ME WHAT THE FFFFUCK you changed for me while we were together? most people tell me when they're attached. Weekends they'll go out with their boyfriends. You? happy you go out with friends, happy u go out with me. put me on a balancing beam. I think im on par to cheryl and joann. OR MAYBE i'll lose out. seriously. WEEEKENDS I GIVE U . TIME I GIVE U everything also give u. U CANNOT SEE ME CHANGE(d) for you. the whole world telling me to leave you. im holding back cause im telling them how much i love you. and what you dont understand is, i'll catch you grenade for you. throw my hand on a blade jump infrontt of a train do anything for ya, i would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brains yes i would die for u baby, but YOU wont do the same. i gave you all i had, you tossed in the thrash, yes you did. TO GIVE ME ALL YOUR LOVE IS ALL I ASK. you said you love me, you never, ever, ever did, baby. and you'll never do the same. you know, i hate it when u dont reply. especially after my second sms. it irritates me. it just shows me how much you care. if theres one day u realised u stopped loving me, or even find it hard to tell me you love me, then let me go. dont leave me suffering everyday. i live to yearn for your love everyday. but everyday you dont tell me you love me. You know sometimes, all i need is some love. Some verbal love :) theres like no initiative from you now already. From the day u came to find me in hall until now. i find myself asking for things. I never get them without me asking. im gonna stop asking for things already. :) makes myself feel terrible. just like how u asked me not to get together with someone which is 4 years older than me. please don't get together with someone that is 14 years older than you. and you know exactly what i mean by that. Because im here. and im still remorseful of my actions since that day when u tried to stop me. im kinda glad today :) (after u pissed me off) cause you pissed me off over the phone. call u then u'll always orh. eh okay no lah bye if you're always responding like that. might as well i don't call? but the happy thing is when i told u about how pissed and upset i was about your response, you knew you were wrong. Although the sorry didnt come, im glad u know u were wrong. you're a little different today Joan, a little different :) continue this way, you'll be nearer to my ideal. reflections reflections reflections.
maybe im wrong all this while. maybe i demanded too much. have i ? anyway, you tell me u never see my sms. that must be a joke, seriously. 1 hour i can check my phones 4-5 times. and 3 hours odd you don't even check your phone for once? c'mon, stop lying to me. How long can u lie for? your lies makes no sense. and you're like someone with 2 sides of personality. you can be really nice in the afternoon and blow up with me in the night. when i dont even know what wrong ive done. evrytime i quarrel with you, i ask u to point out what wrong thing i did. but u always cannot point out. so i assume im not at fault. i just dunnoe why u always so angry. i talked to sherry about it. i said i give her time, money, weekends, studies all give her. she doesnt even say thank you for all these. Like fcking taking me for granted like that. and sherry said. with a long sigh.. "she thinks these are all the stuffs you're SUPPOSED to give" its like u go macdonalds u upsize, u automatically get more fries and more drink. but, im more than 50 cents worth. and definitely, im not an upsize package. not u get a boyfriend, u atuomatically get someone to take care of you. get someone to stay over on weekends with you because he wants to spend more time with you. get smeone to hold ur hands to cross the road. get someone to research on vitamin pills so ur illness can cure faster. these are not a packagae. They're all given to you though, because that someone, your boyfriend loves you. but all this comes with a price. Don't expect upsizing macdonalds w/o 50 cents more. So expect loving your someone back, when you want more stuffs from him. theres this bible verse that goes somethng like this. if you can't handle small things, how to let God trust u with bigger things. i realised its the same. im stopping to give u more already. Cause i gave u until maximum already. its my life thats left. IF you get kidnapped one day, and the kidnapper wants me to commit suicide so you'll be free. i'll do it. its my life thats left. what else you want. Ask u what u want. u cannot answer. What irony. Then u always say u not happy. Ask u where not happy, u also cannot answer. What irony again. So, even if we get married next time, i also dont know how to entrust u with bigger things. Even if i had alot of money, i wont buy u a 1k carat ring. why would i when you lost a cheaper ring i bought u on such a meaningful ocassion? Our first time overseas together lei. So meaningful! sigh, im so lost for words. Sherry said, its the way you're being brought up. thats why you may seem rude to me. or you're too comfortable with me. Mind you, im still someone worthy of respect. She asks me to dump you :D i said why. Then you'll dump her instead of her dumping you. (again) i said, but i promise not to leave her last time when we got together. See, 1 year already i still remember my promises. But you break promises like calling me everynight before u sleep. speaking of which i STILL CANNOT believe u can forget to call your boyfriend before ur sleep. you should meet sherry. Her eyes were so big when she couldnt believe a gf could fall asleep without remembering to call her partner. U should meet jocelyn too. she was shocked much. so i said, i promised not to leave her worxz. and sherry, the wise replied. "BUT SHE BREAK HER PROMISES FIRST WHAT." true hor.. See the silly me keep holding on to broken promises. Until now still holding on. Someone needs to redeem me (: SMS u, also no reply. Forget it i guess. If you dont want reply then forget it. Dear God, theres a couple of things i would like you to do for me. -even if Joan doesnt belong to me, i still pray u heal her shingles because i don't wish to see her suffering in pain by herself when i cant be by her side. -give me a heart of wood. my heart is of flesh and it tears too much. a heart of metal has no emotions. A heart of wood would be just nice. -please let me meet with a tragic accident. so i know who are those that are left that cares for me. and when different people pray to different Gods for healing, you'll pevail to be only one that delivers healing. Thank you God. All these i pray in Jesus's name. Amen. sometimes, u cant be more gentle. you're a girl mind you. you say im insensitive. what about you? i give in after quarrels, but you don't you want to be your pampered princess? You're becoming more and more like my ex. i have feelings too. dont always think you're in the right. don't. don't. don't. theres only one person that has remained faithful, up till now.
you know, people have been complaining. about the way I behave, the way I talk, my actions etc. some say I'm unpredictable, outrageous and very rude at times. I have trouble finding friends. I don't have much friends actually. none have stayed faithful. or rather, there's one. her name is jocelyn and she's by far the only one that can live with my stinking bad ass attitude. she's so faithful, she never fails to be there for me when I needed her. she never leaves me and abandons me like any other friend I have. when I'm down, or suffering from post break up syndrome and stuffs, she'll always talk to me about them and cheer me up. and she even wrote me a blogpost about how she appreciates me! I guess its my turn now. firstly, I love to blog on the move. so this is done on the phone and theres no proper punctuation and stuffs. and most probably full of typo. so sorry bout that dar joce :) you've been here and there here and there here and there in my life up and down up and down up and down. how long have we known each other? I can't remember, really. but that's not important. what I know and remember is, you've been always faithful to me. I can't remember exactly how many times you've scolded me about jumping from one relationship to the other. I never heed your advices and I really regret. and I think we're really meant to be good and best friends. even now, both of us are suffering of the same trauma from relationships. we're growing sick of our partners. really. really really sick. sighh. anyway im happy with life now, anyway. because i've got you. :) Thanks jocelyn. the one who proved to be faithful all along. I dont need you to be a 20 years++ old friend. because i just need you to be there for me whenever i need you. All this years, i thank you! <3 OH YES. HAHAH LASTLY. welcome to the age 22 :) been waiting for you to be as old as me! :) |
